Thursday, June 2, 2011


Los Angeles is a downtown loft apartment with a bed that feels like a cloud and sheer white curtains. "I left my heart in San Francisco" is ready to go on the record player. I lay down for a nap on my first day and feel like I’m in Paris. I’ve spent the first quiet hour I’ve had before retiring reading an article on LA written by a friend of mine. It feels like a sexier version of Less Than Zero and one I can relate to. Does everyone think of California Girls by The Beach Boys when they fly into LA? It’s so sexy I fall asleep daydreaming of the writer meeting me in Vegas. I can’t help it, I haven’t daydreamed in so long I let them get the best of me and I fall asleep wishing I had a room to myself.

I spend the night soaking in the tub singing cabaret songs and draping white face washers over my legs.

I am disoriented and weirded out by Hollywood and the surrounding suburbs but eventually I find an oasis in a well-reviewed cafĂ© and order Penne Arrabiata and a Bellini. I imagine Johnny Depp coming in and having to sit opposite me due to the lack of tables. The fantasy ends there, I don’t want to push my luck. I do some vintage shopping and meet some likeminded shop assistants who might come to my gig that night. I buy up big and walk toward Melrose against my credit cards better judgment. The sun is out and I can smell jasmine. It feels like home and the streets on either side of Melrose are suburban and green. I get distracted by all of the passing vintage convertibles out on memorial day. I wish I could sit down on the grassy pathway and lose myself in watching and dreaming about them but I fear my thoughts will turn erotic and I plan on losing myself in that image later.

I meet a girl on the bus who is nice. She points out the cool areas of town we go past. “The buildings are so dated, like they’re run down shops designed in the 70s”. “That store is 2 years old” She replies. She is sweet and I give her my email address. I don’t get the chance to explore the cool parts of town.

The night of the show I spend most of the pre and post drinks in Patsy Stone character. I’ve always wanted to do that. I’m proud of how the gig goes and we entertain our fellow performers. An amazing night of burly community and after today I’m starting to feel like I’m getting a grasp on the city. We all go out to the House of Pie for dinner. It feels like the Parisian showgirl life I’ve wanted. Steak and champagne with the crew at 2am. But Pauly doesn’t come. He’s just landed from Vegas. I wonder if it’s true.

The next day is our day out. I see the 90210 houses and relish standing in a place my favorite people have breathed in. I see more parts of LA full of beautiful streets and houses and imagine the family lives they have here. I wonder why they’re based in that particular city and realize that I kind of understand why. It’s something to do with the trees and the jasmine.

I feel like I’ve found the soul of LA and I want to come back and get my hands around the city. It’s a challenge I long to get the chance to accept.

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